What a f*cking year it’s been.
If I’m totally honest, this year has been the most challenging year of my life. Yes, there have been some incredible highs, but boy has there been some incredible lows too.
I started the year off thinking to myself, “yep 2019 is my bloody year.” I had this incredible sense of freedom and excitement about what the year could bring to me.
WELL WELL WELL, isn’t it funny how things don’t often happen the way you planned…
After starting the year thinking it would be one of the best of my life, it’s sad to end it saying it was one of the worst. I endured copious amounts of pain through loss, love, heartbreak, and stress which led me down a spiral of anxiety.
In June of this year, my wonderful Dad, Shane, was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. This was a road myself and my family had been down before with him however this time, the ending wasn’t the same as the time before. In August Dad took his own life.
Now I could sit here, throw a pity party and play the victim hating on the universe for putting me and my family through all this sh*t, but that would make me feel even smaller and wouldn’t make me grow into a stronger, better person.
So, rather than look at all the negative things this situation and many other situations this year has given me, let me tell you what 2019 has taught me.
I have always been a firm believer in having strong and fulfilling friendships, but after the curve balls 2019 has thrown, I now believe this more so than EVER!
Friendship is SO important and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel uplifted, calm and positive is a MUST. People who help you grow as an individual and allow you to help them too are the kind of people you want in your life. I realised you should get rid of those friendships that are a potential negative space in your life. Either step away slightly or cut it completely. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. Doing this doesn’t make you a terrible person. If someone isn’t benefiting you or your life and is bringing you down, think about what you need to do to make that go away.
I discovered the joy of making new friends and meeting new people. This fills your heart and soul in a magically different way. Starting a new friendship is SO exciting. You learn new things and see life from a different point of view. My new friendships have really helped me grow as a person this year.
I honestly don’t think I would have been able to get through ANY of the curve balls without all my incredible friends. They each play a different and important part of my life and I will be forever grateful for them all.
(You know who you are).
In March this year, I headed on a solo trip to America for seven weeks. This was totally out of my comfort zone and was quite scary but I am so glad I took that leap and did it.
This trip taught me that adventure is so important. Trying new things, meeting new people and exploring new places gives you life experience like no other. It showed me the world outside of my own little bubble and challenged me like no job or person ever has.
Adventure doesn’t only mean traveling overseas. It’s important to know that you can experience adventure locally too. Like getting out in nature, swimming in the ocean, eating at a new restaurant or driving to a new place. 2019 taught me that life isn’t meant to be spent on a couch, in bed or in front of your computer. Life’s short and is here to be LIVED doing adventurous things that fulfil you in ways the inside of your home can’t.
At the beginning of 2019, I had a vision, but really struggled to take the leap and bring that vision to life. I wasn’t motivated enough, didn’t have a great work ethic and always had doubts in the back on my mind.
You know that horrid question we always seem to ask ourselves… “but what if I’m not good enough?”
Well, I learnt that work ethic, motivation, and self-doubt are all things you can work on and get better at. It just takes hard work. After my trip, I decided it was time to take the leap and do the thing I have always wanted to do which was to start my own content creation business.
In July, CK Creative was born. Working for myself and growing this vision has given me a much better work ethic. I am more motivated to put in 100% effort into everything I do. I found my passion and this helped me realise that hard work really does pay off.
Ah, love… that four-letter word that can be beautiful or just downright evil. 2019 taught me all the different types of love, good and bad. I really let myself love hard this year which, I’ll be honest, did lead to some heartbreak and loss. But of course, that’s a part of this journey we call life and is what leads you to love in its truest form.
One of the best things I learnt about love this year, is that real and deep love isn’t the love you give others, it’s the love you give yourself. Self-love is a forever learning curve and is something I haven’t completely nailed yet, but 2019 certainly made it clear that loving yourself is most important.
When you don’t love yourself, you tend to love the wrong people because this can lead to self-doubt that you aren’t enough and this is all you deserve (I do this often). However, this isn’t the case and we are truly 110% enough for the right people and it’s up to me and you to continually remind ourselves of this. As much as we often dislike that we gave our love to people who didn’t deserve it, these people are put into our life for a HUGE reason. It’s a lesson. They help you see what you don’t want and what you don’t deserve. These people should NEVER stop you from opening your heart and loving hard, in fact, they should be the ones that help you do this more and more.
For me, 2020 will be the year of love. I aim to continue to love hard and open my heart to all possibilities, but mostly to have a strong and infectious love for myself, my family and my friends – the right people.
Resilience and Strength
The most important thing I learnt and gained in 2019 was resilience and strength. The ability to bounce back from any bad situation and continue to live my life as best as I can.
When Dad passed away, my family and I experienced the most horrible pain and sadness that I don’t wish upon my worst enemy. After this, we could have easily fallen to the ground and never got back up.
You think about bad situations happening and wonder to yourself “gosh, I could never get through that.” But to my surprise, you can get through some pretty terrible things. I never thought I was strong or resilient, but 2019 showed me that I am.
This year pushed me to my absolute breaking point, punched me in the face multiple times and tried so hard to bring me down but through my own personal journey, I used my strength and resilience that I didn’t know I even had, to not let the year win. Was it easy? F*ck no.
What has happened over this year, loss, heartbreak, anxiety, you name it, will never ever be forgotten or be something I’ll just get over. Except I now see that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and I can tackle any further obstacles that are thrown my way. Of course, not every day is going to be easy and I know it’s okay to not be strong sometimes, but I hope to continue to learn more and more, that in the end, everything will be okay.
SO, with that being said, bring it on 2020, I am ready for you!
If you’re struggling with mental illness, please feel comfortable to reach out to one of our incredible support systems that are in place:
Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636
Life Line – 13 11 14
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